I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
