my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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