We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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