I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
