You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dicks are not precious.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
