If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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