Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
