Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
