Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
