you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
