clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
