I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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