I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
