she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is the high leading the old right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You are a genius and a whore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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