Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
