just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
