i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
