i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
