the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
