a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
