and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
