She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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