I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
