She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
