dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
