apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
