so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
