Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
