just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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