no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
