I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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