I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
