Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
