I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
