Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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