Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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