had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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