my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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