i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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