she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
