i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
