Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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