oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
