walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
