Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
