Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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