just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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