he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
