I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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