I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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