don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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